Posted by Kammy Sahota (68.190.202.121) on June 23, 2005 at 9:36:23 p.m.:
In Reply to: Peer Review Essay # 2 M. Campbell posted by Maggie Campbell on June 23, 2005 at 9:13:28 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Kammy Sahota
Writers Name: Maggie Campbell
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
The essay analyzes some of the elements of a drama, however it does not define one or two key elements as the assignment asks. The essay gives a good description of the characters but needs to more clearly tie the roles of the characters into the over all plot more clearly in order to effectively answer the assignment.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
While there is no clear thesis as admitted I believe the writer is stating that without going through what the Younger family went through they may not have learned the lessons that they learned as evidenced by her analogy in the opening but that needs to be woven throughout the essay to make that a clear point.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
If that is the thesis it is a specific idea that goes to what the heart of the play exemplifies, if not then there is no thesis and merely a description of the characters.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
The writer uses many examples from the play in order to define the role of each character.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
There are very few connections made to the begining paragraph and they are not explicit enough to clearly recognize.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
The following paragraphs do not connect to the opening paragraph in a clear enough manner. The writer needs to explain how the character''s roles fit into the plot and theme outlined in the opening.
7) Is there additional evidence which the writer has missed?
What the writer is missing are examples of how the characters roles connect to the theme and a clear definition of what that plot or theme is and the evidence to support that claim.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
There is no conclusion at this time.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
Formulate a clear thesis and formulate the evidence around that thesis. The opening paragraph and the analology are a very solid begining to a thesis, but there needs to be a clear choice of what two elements of drama you are analyzing in the opening then chose quotes to tie into that theme.