Posted by Amber Sughrue (64.30.110.147) on June 24, 2005 at 9:43:10 a.m.:
In Reply to: Peer Review Essay # 2 M. Campbell posted by Maggie Campbell on June 23, 2005 at 9:13:28 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Amber Sughrue
Writers Name: Maggie Campbell
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
I think the writer is discussing the element of characterization. However, she needs to be more clear on how it contributes to the theme of the play and not just describe each character.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
There is no thesis.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
There is no thesis, however the writer should be sure to tie in characterization into the thesis, because that is what most of her paragraphs are about.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
There is no thesis; however, the writer talks about the characters and the importance of family and their dreams.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
The writer describes the characters well. I think she could include more quotes and show how the characters contribute to the theme more.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
It would depend on what the thesis is. Most of the paragraphs have to do with describing the characters, so if that is included in the thesis, then it would connect with the topic sentences.
7) Is there additional evidence which the writer has missed?
The writer may want to look into Beneatha's charcter a little more and determine why she thinks she is a flat character. She needs to give more evidence to why she believes Beneatha is.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
I think the conclusion does sum up the characters, again, it should probably tie in the theme more, though.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
I'm not sure about the introduction. I was confused on how watermelon connects to the play. Also, the writer needs to explain why "possibilities are endless while eating the watermelon." I'm not sure what the endless possiblities are when eating watermelon. Also, there needs to be some commas in places that are not there. Check grammatical errors and have someone proof read it.