Posted by Tatyana Lazukova (24.23.55.15) on July 5, 2005 at 10:13:09 p.m.:
In Reply to: AddyEssay#3 posted by Michael Addy on July 5, 2005 at 6:31:22 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Tatyana Lazukova
Writers Name: Michael Addy
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
I think that the author of the paper answered the essay assignment. The essay has an interesting introduction that includes a very well developed thesis statement. Body paragraphs have topic sentences and support the thesis. The author of the paper included brief quotes from the poem. Conclusion is interesting and summarizes the main ideas of the paper. There are parenthetical references, however, the writer needs to include line and page numbers.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
The author of "When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer," refuses to accept the idea of turning beautiful things in to simple formulas and removing its beauty although he is not against science in and of itself. The poem by Walt Whitman is about the simplicity of the beauty of nature and the main character's response to it.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
The thesis is not general as it attempts to prove a specific idea: The poem is about the simplicity of the beauty of nature and the main character's response to it.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
There are good quotes throughout the essay to support the ideas the writer is trying to make based on the thesis. There are quotes that explain how the change takes place between the astronomer's lifeless approach to astronomy and his own.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
The writer explicitly shows how the evidence supports his view. Each quote has some explanation of the quote and a connection back to the thesis.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
Paragraph # 3 is very strong in supporting the thesis. You explained how the poem ends and why it ends this way. I was impressed with your explanations because it was very easy for me to understand the main idea of the poem and your opinion on it.
7) Is there additional evidence which the writer has missed?
The writer did a great job at provided evidence.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
In the conclusion the writer tries to sum up his point of view by saying that "When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer" is about the tendency to miss the beauty of what should be a wonderful thing. The astronomer who is lecturing seems to know almost everything about stars and astronomy, but as seen in the poem, he really knows nothing at all of beauty or wonder. Your point of view is very clear in the conclusion.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
I think it would be great if you could increase your word count. Also, please , provide line and page numbers.