Posted by Amber Sughrue (64.30.110.147) on July 6, 2005 at 11:02:46 a.m.:
In Reply to: Essay #3 Rough Draft posted by Gary Walmer on July 5, 2005 at 8:40:19 p.m.:
>Gary Walmer
>English 301
>Jeanne Guerin
>Essay # 3 Poetry
>July 3 2005
>Africa
>Thus she had lain 1
>sugarcane sweet 2
>deserts her hair 3
>golden her feet 4
>mountains her breasts 5
>two Niles her tears. 6
>Thus she had lain 7
>black through the years. 8
>Over the white seas 9
>rime white and cold 10
>brigands ungentled 11
>icicle bold 12
>took her young daughters 13
>sold her strong sons 14
>churched her with Jesus 15
>bled her with guns 16
>Thus she has lain. 17
>Now she is rising 18
>remember her pain 19
>remember the losses 20
>her screams loud and vain 21
>remember her riches 22
>her history slain 23
>now she is striding 24
>although she had lain. 25
>There are accomplished writers in every generation. Some are playwrights others are master storytellers. Some are poets and songwriters, and some are talented enough to be able produce great works of all kinds. Maya Angelou is one of these gifted people who through her life has blessed many people and nations with her works. Born in 1928 and traumatized by a personal assault at eight, she ended up as a singer in the early 1950’s in San Francisco. From there she went on to tour nationally and eventually wrote lyrics as well as performed. In 1960, she was not only the Coordinator for Southern Christian Leadership Conference; she was writing and performing plays. She married a South African freedom fighter Vusumi Make and moved to Africa. She went on to write numerous books, poetry, movies, plays, and even becomes the second poet in US History to have the honor of writing and reciting original work at the Presidential Inauguration. (Maya Angelou websites) P1
> The significance of this short description of Dr. Angelou’s life is intended to set the stage to analyze one of her poems. Analysis usually examines one aspect or element - such as plot, character, point of view, symbol, tone, or irony- and relates it to the entire work. (Meyers pg 1551) Most of these elements essentially are a reflection of the author’s heart. It is the author after all who has penned the words, which we now recite. Maya Angelou’s life experiences are indeed reflected in her poem “Africa”. This beautiful rhythmic poem is rich with symbolism, history and approaching victory. Examining the symbols, which are latent with depths of meaning, the reader is treated to a new understanding of Africa’s present state of being. Symbols help expose this new view. Some of these symbols appear close to the surface and are easily detectable by most readers who glance over the writing. Other symbols the author has hidden away from those who only want to see the broader picture, instead of the finer lines that make up the artist’s detailed work. It is the revealing of symbolism, which will unearth the treasures of the author’s intent. P2
>Like cadence that will allow the marcher detailed instructions to march so does a legend explain the details of a map. In these same manner poets often use word order, tone, rhyme and meter to help stress the meaning, mood, structure, and pattern of a poem. (Elements of Poetry) Each of these elements is present in Angelou’s work and is easily recognized. She even uses alliteration, denotation and diction making this a well rounded poem utilizing all the elements of poetry. (Poem) It is with symbolism, metaphors, connotation and diction that the author reveals this poem’s keys. P3
>The poem is an image of Africa described physically as a woman who is weeping. Men have come from across the oceans to her. They took her daughters and sold her sons into slavery. They forced their ways upon her and when that was not enough, they abused her with their technological superiority in the form of weapons. There she lay apparently unable to rise from the abuse of the intruders. Yet now she begins to rise to her feet with strength from within. She remembers not only the pain and loss but also the affliction she suffered when no one answered her cries. Robbery has occurred to not only the items of value she once possessed, but also her very worth and history have been trampled on. Risen and revived the picture of this woman is now different then before while she willing laid and enjoyed her anonymity. Now she has risen and is actually striding in progression. So where is the hidden symbols expressed in what seems clearly laid out? P4
>In each word, careful thought went into its placement. From the beginning of the poem, we see the woman in her original state. We see the word sugarcane sweet used to describe her fields of produce. Yet the meaning of the word sugarcane has a definition of a pyramidal loosely branched flower cluster. (Webster) Such is the African nation with its many people groups loosely formed with little to no government. The double meaning here is obvious. Sugar is a desired commodity grown throughout Africa, and like the sugar so is the commodity of men’s souls who are not unified against the tyrants of this world. She is adorned with the deserts as her head dressing, and the gold in her soil is what she walks upon. Her majestic mountains represent the youthful breasts of a woman. Those who see her alone and lying in her innocence want her. This inference of the author’s personal past when she was abused as a child references well with the metaphor of Africa’s innocence being stolen. P5
>It is because of the Two Niles that she laid there in the black. The black refers to the absence of light as well as the sadness which accompanies this dark state of being.(Webster) It is the reference of the Nile that allows the reader to uncover her calamity. The Blue and White Nile meet in the city of Khartoum in the country of Sudan. A volatile area where for centuries the Anglo- Egyptians had struggled with the Imperial Ethiopian Empire. Thus, the tears of the two Niles have a much deeper meaning to the author. The struggle was not of nations fighting, but heritages trying not to be assimilated. Like the beauty stolen from her at such an early age, so was Africa’s internal struggle against her own people and origins. The symbolism begins to unfold. This internal power struggle has left Africa dormant and ripe for attack. P6
>Over the “White” seas is clearly a reference to the Anglo Saxon dominance of the oceans. It is from the distant oceans that a cold white frost comes, and the coldness she refers to is not the particles formed from ice. This indifferent people group comes like the frost covering everything it encompasses. (Webster) A brigand in its Celtic origin means one who lives by plunder usually as a member of a band. (Webster) These bandits are ungentled. It was by no mistake that the author uses this word that refers to animal breeding. An ungentled animal is not to be released into the open public. Yet these animals come as savages and harsh killers. Emotionally cold people called icicles. (Webster) They stand out prominently fearless before danger, confident of there victory over their prey. (Webster) They rape her young daughters and steal her strong sons. Once again, references to her own personal experience as well as the truth of the invaders real intents. P7
>Like many children who have been abused, they are often forced to forms of religion proclaimed by their abusers. Africa is forced to accept the invaders ways. Her own personal identity is stripped from her. She must comply, and even when she does, force will still be used to manipulate her by fear. This submission to the invader is unlike the darkness she experienced because of self inflicted conflicts as referred to in the first stanza. This time she lays down in defeat of fear. The cadence and tone reveal the weight of the hurt and fear she experience. Her silence is her only escape. Just as the author had not spoken for over five years after her own horrible abuse, so is Africa unwilling to allow the past to envelop her being. Instead she lies in the darkness of her oppressions, willing to wait and allow the past to vanish with time. These deep symbols reveal inner secrets while expressing truths that Africa lived through. P8
>Now she is rising is a sharp contrast to the last line in which she appears to accept defeat. Rising can mean assuming an upright position from lying, kneeling, or sleeping. It can also refer to returning from death. Yet I think the author is using the word in the form describing taking up arms or rising to a rebellion. The reader is asked to remember her losses and pain. How her pleas for help were unanswered. I can only imagine the flower of her youth being stolen from her as she cried desperately for help to no avail. Now she is put the past behind, and she is rising to rebel against the silence of her submission. She too remembers that her riches have been stolen from her. Her history has been killed. Is this another personal reference to her youth being destroyed by the aggressor? Now she is not just rising, she is actually taking steps, long steps. This ending reference is reflective of our author’s personal success in which she rose up from the oppression of her youth. This symbolism also reflects the current state of the nation Africa. She is not only rising from the past abuse she endured, she is also taking great steps to successful growth as a nation and as an indigenous people. Understanding the history of a nation as well as a person allows such descriptive symbols to shed meaningful light on this wonderful poem. P9
>Poem WC = 1535 Rough Draft
Reader's Name: Amber Sughrue
Writers Name: Gary Walmer
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
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2) Write the thesis statement here:
I believe the thesis statement is: It is the revealing of symbolism, which will unearth the treasures of the author’s intent... However, the writer should make it more clear because I wasn't sure if it was the last sentence of P3.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
The thesis is pretty specific. However, he may want to revise it a little and make a reference to the poem.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
There is a good amount of evidence throughout the essay. He does mention cannotation, alliteration,and other elements of poetry, and he should give clear examples of these.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
He does refer to the symbolic nature of the poem throughout his essay. He also gives some definitions that were helpful.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
The essay reads more as a story than having clear references of the topic sentences to the thesis. He should somehow try to make the topic sentences tie in more to the thesis.
7) Is there additional evidence which the writer has missed?
I think he did well at analyzing it and also found good outside information.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
The conclusion seemed to be just another paragraph. He needs to make it stronger and seperate it fromt the last paragraph.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
There are a few places where commas need to be placed. Overall it was an interesting essay, however there needs to be a stronger conclusion and it the paragraphs need to connect to the thesis more.