Posted by Tatyana Lazukova (165.196.105.164) on July 6, 2005 at 5:07:23 p.m.:
In Reply to: Essay #3 Rough Draft posted by Gary Walmer on July 5, 2005 at 8:40:19 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Lazukova Tatyana
Writers Name: Gary Walmer
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
It is very clear that the author of the paper answered the essay assignment. The essay has an interesting introduction that includes a thesis statement. Body paragraphs have topic sentences and support the thesis. The author of the paper included brief quotes from the poem. Conclusion is interesting and summarizes the main ideas of the paper. There are parenthetical references, however, the writer needs to include line and page numbers.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
This beautiful rhythmic poem is rich with symbolism, history and approaching victory. Examining the symbols, which are latent with depths of meaning, the reader is treated to a new understanding of Africa’s present state of being. Symbols help expose this new view. Some of these symbols appear close to the surface and are easily detectable by most readers who glance over the writing. Other symbols the author has hidden away from those who only want to see the broader picture, instead of the finer lines that make up the artist’s detailed work. It is the revealing of symbolism, which will unearth the treasures of the author’s intent.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
I have an opinion that the thesis is too broad and needs to be reviewed.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
The writer uses good quotes throughout the essay to support the ideas the writer is trying to make based on the thesis presented in paragraph two.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
The author of the essay explicitly shows how the evidence supports his view. Each quote has some explanation of the quote and a connection back to the thesis.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
Yes, each paragraph connects with the thesis. I am impressed with your writing style because it is very easy for me to understand the main idea of the poem and your opinion on it.
7) Is there additional evidence which the writer has missed?
The writer did a great job at provided evidence
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
In conclusion the writer tries to sum up his point of view by saying that she rose up from the oppression of her youth. It is great that you mention that this symbolism also reflects the current state of the nation Africa. She is not only rising from the past abuse she endured, she is also taking great steps to successful growth as a nation and as an indigenous people. Understanding the history of a nation as well as a person allows such descriptive symbols to shed meaningful light on this wonderful poem. Your point of view is very clear in the conclusion.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
I would advise you to review your thesis statement.