Posted by Katie Hartman (71.128.109.84) on June 22, 2005 at 10:00:44 p.m.:
In Reply to: MrazESSAY2-rough draft posted by Kim Mraz on June 22, 2005 at 6:15:17 p.m.:
Katie Hartman
Kim Mraz
1. I was pretty sure we had to analyze a few elements of drama and how they related to the theme of the story. I didn't see any writing about themes. That was part of the assignment and I think it needs to be in the essay.
2. I wasn't quite sure what the thesis was, but this was the last sentence in the first paragraph. "While Walter, Mama's son will try to get his way, but is seen making a sort of compromise with his mother and actually with his whole family."
3. The thesis statement does prove an idea and a fairly clear one. However, Im not sure how it ties into the promt for the essay. Which elements of drama does it tie to? Just try to be a little more clear and descriptive.
4. Good job focusing on the comments of Mama about dreams and asperations because thats the theme you brought up in your opening paragraph. You also provided evidence that showed Ruth supporting Walter in his dreams and that was good too. Many of your quotes are well tied to your thesis by showing their struggle to agree on how to live their lives to reach their goals and dreams. All the quotes fully support the point you are trying to make throughout the essay.
5. You definilty explain how each quote is related to your topic and it is well explained. As a reader I was able to understand the connections being made.
6. Each paragraph gives supporting evidence that ties back to the thesis. Each paragraph goes more in to depth in a different aspect of the thesis. You covered all the bases in supporting your thesis. I was impressed with the evidence you gave and how clearly it was presented and how easily was to understand.
7. You gave plenty of evidence I thought to support your thesis all throughout your essay. The evidence was not lacking and each supporting evidence was clear and directly related to the topic.
8. The conclusion didn't sum up the whole essay very well though. Only having two sentences in it doesn't give enough information to wrap up your essay, You need to wrap up your essay more cleary and make one more clear statement about your thesis.
9. I would work on the conclusion and talk about how a few of the elements of drama are tied to the theme because that was in the assignment.