Posted by Amber Sughrue (64.30.110.147) on June 23, 2005 at 10:59:38 p.m.:
In Reply to: Frost-Morgan Essay 2 Rough Draft posted by Emily Frost-Morgan on June 23, 2005 at 9:30:49 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Emily Frost Morgan
Writers Name: Amber Sughrue
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
Yes, you cover both the setting and characterization. I think you might want to explain a little more how these elements connect to the theme.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
Like any other family in the world the Younger family had dreams and we are driven by those dreams, in wanting them to be fulfilled.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
It is a little general. I think you should tie in setting and charcerization into the thesis, because that is what your essay is about.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
You touched on dreams throughout the essay, however not all of the topic sentences connect well with the thesis. Like I said, you may want to revise it to better connect to the rest of your essay.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
Examples were given and quotes from the book connecting your ideas with the play. I think you gave your views the support they needed.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
No, they do not. I htink revising the thesis could help out here.
7) Is there additional evidence which the writer has missed?
I think you covered most of what needed to be covered, however, you should explain how the setting does not describe the Yougner family. That is where I would like to see more evidence supporting your view.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
It sums up the viewpoint, however does not touch on how the setting and charecterization connects to the theme. Maybe this connection should be added.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
Revising the thesis and explaining more clearly how the setting and characterization contribute to the theme would help make the essay more clear.