Posted by Katie Hartman (67.172.174.151) on June 24, 2005 at 9:42:14 a.m.:
In Reply to: Essay 2 Draft posted by Tatyana Lazukova on June 23, 2005 at 10:06:13 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Katie Hartman
Writers Name: Tatyana Lazukova
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
Yes, ypu answered all the questons in the essay assignement. Every requirement that needed to be in the essay is there.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
Through the exposition and pyramidal pattern, the author clearly demonstrates that hopes and dreams of the Younger family have changed and twisted due to the poverty.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general? Yes it proves a specific point.
It is not too general because it is giving the idea that the dreams have changed and twisted. Good thesis.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
Excellen quotes throughout the essay to support the points she is trying to make based on her thesis. There are quotes that explain how exposition is used by using information from stage directions. I didn't notice any evidence for the pyramidal pattern though.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
Yes, each quote has some explanation of the quote and a connection back to the thesis.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
Yes, for the most part the paragraphs relate back to the thesis. Maybe try to make the topic sentences a little more clear in relation to the thesis.
7) Is there additional evidence which the writer has missed?
Maybe facutal quotes that can support the pyramidal pattern, but other than that there is sufficent evidence.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
I didn't see a conclusion, I don't think there is one. It just ends after the pyrimidal pattern.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
Write a conclusion and give more supporting evidence about pyramidal pattern and try and expand on it.