Posted by Maggie Campbell (69.104.34.199) on June 24, 2005 at 7:23:00 p.m.:
In Reply to: Sughrue Essay 2 Rough Draft posted by Amber Sughrue on June 23, 2005 at 9:30:48 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Maggie Campbell
Writers Name: Amber Sughrue
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
I do not feel that the writer answered any topic. I feel that she did a lot of ?fluffing? to make her essay appear longer in word count.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
I never read a clear thesis statement.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
Thesis is absent in essay.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
I believe the writer is trying to get across that each character is important, but unfortunately that is this entire essay has going. Many things are repetitive, for instance Paragraph 4 is shrunk down into paragraph 5.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
No clear connections are made. The writer’s tone is passive in one sentence than assertive in the next. This writer needs to make up her mind of how she would like to present her essay to the reader.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
No. Each paragraph does not connect with any noticeable thesis.
7) Is there additional evidence, which the writer has missed?
Possibly the writer could make up her mind when referring to the play in present or in the past tense. This would help greatly in trying to read the essay.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
She tries very hard to make a powerful conclusion, but repeats what is in her introduction.
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
I enjoyed a couple of her quotes, but I think she should rethink many of the ones she used. Especially in Paragraph 4 when she is talking about Walter. This quote has nothing to do with what she is referring to.