Posted by Maggie Campbell (68.123.99.63) on June 24, 2005 at 9:22:27 p.m.:
In Reply to: Sahotaessay2-Rough Draft posted by Kammy Sahota on June 23, 2005 at 8:19:50 p.m.:
Reader's Name: Maggie Campbell
Writers Name: Kammy Sahota
1) Review the assignment requirements. Read the essay. In your opinion, does the writer answer the essay assignment in this piece? Explain.
Yes this writer answers the question, but I feel she could use a better opening to her essay.
2) Write the thesis statement here:
“The use of exposition and conflict in Lorraine Hansberry’s “A Raisin in the Sun” are vital as elements of drama to the tying together of the plot and theme of the play.
3) Does the thesis attempt to prove a specific idea, or is it too general?
I understand where the writer is coming from, but it sounds too rehearsed. Almost like it is the definition from the book. Maybe if she spiced up her thesis it would sound a lot better.
4) What specific evidence does the writer provide to support the thesis?
She talks about the plot, the subplot, the conflict and the exposition.
5) Does the writer explicitly show how this evidence supports his/her view? Are connections made for the reader?
I see how the writer is trying to connect the thesis with the essay assignment. I do not however see how she tries to connect it with her own personal opinion. Most of it is summary.
6) Does each paragraph connect with the thesis?
Each correlates but does not explain why it is important. She needs to question her thesis. How? Why? To what effect? Then maybe she would have some better topic sentences as well as paragraphs.
7) Is there additional evidence, which the writer has missed?
I feel that more quotes from the play could be used as her examples.
8) Does the conclusion sum up the writer's point?
Not really. She never goes into the “necessary perspective.” Why is exposition and conflict necessary in Hansberry’s play?
9) Give the writer at least one suggestion for improving this paper.
I would recommend going into more detail in how the actual play gives exposition and conflict by using examples and drawing upon your own life experiences. You have a great start to your essay. Good Luck.