f14

By now you should automatically be first checking the Assignment Link, proceed to the required reading the text, then the lecture materials, and finally your post.  Sue :-) 

1. Social Networks

Late life is not a static time for older family members. Because we live longer, things are more likely to change. Multiple marriages, divorces, death of a spouse, step-children, great grandchildren, all change our family structure.

Along with these changes our social values are such in America, that the value and opportunities for people in old age are reduced. There are fewer opportunities to interact with cohorts, fewer social events (weddings, baby showers, party get-togethers), retirement reduces peer contacts and opportunities for social contact, and there remains little opportunity to replace these losses. This results in fewer social interactions.

Just as they are to you and me, friendships are extremely important in an elder's life and most maintain socially active lives that mimic their younger activities (remember activity theory and continuity theory?).

Studies show that most who name a close friend, name a woman. That is because women still outlive men, meaning there are more of them available for late-life friendships, and because more women exist in society.

 

Did you Know - At conception there are more male than female embryos but that a higher percentage of girl babies  are born alive than boy babies? Here's how it works.

There are two types of sex chromosomes. The larger X chromosome and the smaller Y chromosome. The Female is made up of two large X chromosomes and a males fetus carries the large X and a smaller Y chromosome. At conception more boy babies are conceived, but, as the pregnancy progresses, the fragile tail on the Y chromosome is more susceptible to damage. At each stage of gestation, boy fetuses are lost resulting in a higher percentage of live female births. Although  about 109 boys to 100 girls are born alive, the male infant still continues to be more fragile. More newborn males die than females (5 to 4) at birth and all along the life course.
The Fragile Male , Kraemer. http://www.bmj.com/cgi/pdf_extract/321/7276/1609
http://clinmed.netprints.org/cgi/content/full/2000080008v1

Elders look for equitable friendships just as we do. This means that friendships are more comfortable if there is an equal exchange. Do you remember exchange theory from a few weeks ago? Think of your own friendships. If you give too much or receive too little, is your moral affected? Often receiving too much leaves one feeling uncomfortable or inferior. Likewise, if you give too much, you might at first enjoy the giving without receiving, but after awhile one can be left feeling empty, unappreciated or even resentful.  It's important to be able to balance give and take in meaningful relationships.

We all need confidants and companions in life. It's an essential element for older adults, too. This is someone who understands, can be trusted, accepts you and, whose friendship endures over time.

2. Family

The family continues to be an operating social network to compensate for and replace social losses in late old age.
Empirical evidence indicates that the family ties between older people and their children are still strong and functioning. We will see this when we look at caregiving and the oldest old in chapter 12. For now, it is important to know that the myth that the majority of families abandon their elderly in America, is not true.  It is a stereotype.

Stereotype of a Family -Do You Know?
A man and his son were in a car accident. The man died on the way to the hospital, but the boy was rushed into surgery. The surgeon said “I can't operate, for that's my son!” How is this possible?

Did you assume the surgeon was a woman? Or did you consider it might be another man? 

A dynamic understanding of family patters and relationships that include older gay and lesbian adults is shaping rapidly because of a cultural shift that accepts same sex lifestyles.  Social acceptance of the "makeup" of a family is vastly different today than in pervious eras.

___________________________________________________________________________________

The poorer the health of the older person, the more likely he/she is to be living in the same household with at least one child. In fact 80 to 90% of elders live in the community either alone or with family and friends. 

Whether or not the aging parents are living with their adult children, certain conflicts are bound to arise between the generations due to cohort differences and changing roles as the life-cycle of the family progresses.

 Women in the work force, increasing life expectancies, and the improved financial condition of the elderly population has changed the timeline of expected life events and has changed the quality of our family roles. 

1. Family Life Cycle

All families go though a "family life cycle". As members age, their roles and, thus, the cycle of the family changes. Perceptions change and ways of behaving change with changing roles. The changing of the roles of child, student, worker, retiree, remarried, widowhood, grandparenting, and others all contribute to the life cycle of any family. 

2. Role Changes
   
   One change in the family life cycle is that of "filial maturity". This stage of development is a phase in middle age when:
   

3. Functional Dependency

Many experts warn against creating a "functional dependency" as filial maturity and role change set in. 

Not allowing people to do what they can for themselves creates a needless dependency and a lower level of functioning and self-esteem on the part of the older adult.  

Many younger family members inadvertently create functional dependency when an elder suddenly needs assistance.  In the beginning, anxious to make the elder feel comfortable, adult children take care of activities of daily living that the elders themselves could attend to. Examples might be combing their own hair, or managing their own affairs. The elder then sees this format and begins to think that this level of care is required for his age. Perhaps thinking, "since I am old, I better not try".

Functional Dependency can create a nightmare for an adult child who then has to get back to his/her own daily routine. It also lowers the esteem of the elder and accelerates decline. 

Handout- How to Talk to Your Parents about Health Care, Money and Other Sensitive Issues. 

III.  Grandparenting  

In the family cycle, the word "grandparent" evokes a positive feeling and image in most of us--grandchildren are a source of pride and pleasure for older adults.  back to top

1. Grandparenting Styles

2. Grandparents as Surrogate Parents

Because of  the increase in longevity, grandparents are more available to take on the parenting roles for their grandchildren. Because of parental joblessness, poverty, drug use, and single parenthood, many grandparents are being called upon to assume the role of surrogate parent to their grandchildren. Often this role extends beyond grandchildren to great-grandchildren as well. 

Adult children who cannot function as parents may need parenting as well. This surrogate parent role may begin as a temporary measure, but can easily evolve into a long-term commitment to provide care and support for the second, third, and even fourth generation.

When a grandparent is called upon to become a surrogate parent, it is usually seen as a mechanism for the survival of the family. For most there is little choice.

While the role of surrogate parent has its rewards, it can also be very challenging.

3. Challenges
   
   Grandparents can be faced with providing care for multiple generations-- 
   some grandparents still have teens at home or may be caring for an elderly parent or relative and now must add another generation to their duties. Each of these generations has its own particular needs. 
   
   A 63 year-old lady who cares for her teen daughter, seven grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. commented:

4. Rewards
   
   Most parents whose children are grown, look back and contemplate things they might have done differently or better. No one does a perfect job of raising his/her children. Often, the opportunity to parent grandchildren is seen as an opportunity to parent again-- perhaps doing a better job this time.
   
   Parents are often blamed for their children's problems and parents blame themselves and carry that guilt.
   Parenting the grandchildren can be seen as an opportunity to redeem one's self. 

Parenting grandchildren can also be seen as an investment in the future (do you recall Erikson's developmental stage in middle adulthood?). For some, they are nurturing a legacy. Grandchildren provide companionship and love. Some say that they "keep you young" by forcing you to deal with youth and their cohort needs. 

Raising grandchildren can also provide a sense of being needed and a sense of accomplishment.

back to top

5. Helpful Guidelines
   
   Often, when faced with the decision of "who will raise a grandchild", there are no other real options other than the grandparents. If there is another option, other younger relatives should be given serious consideration. Even if there is no choice, the pros and cons should be discussed with everyone involved.
   
   Seeing the realities can assist everyone in better planning. Talking it through will provide a much more realistic picture of what the future holds. No matter how great a surrogate the grandparent is, there are going to be many challenges. 
   
   

Dr. Barbara Gillogly, Psychologist, notes that:
"Many grandparents need help accepting the fact that they may feel resentful for this off-time event and then guilty for being such a "selfish" person. Grandparents often benefit from being reminded that they are not responsible for the choices made by their adult children. Most did the best they knew how to at the time. Perhaps, now, many know better, but beating themselves up for things they did not know won't change the situation and may zap needed strength to care for the grandchildren". 

The ultimate goal should be to obtain help for the adult children so that they can resume their responsibility for parenting their children.

Many grandparent-surrogate parents find it helpful to join a support group of other grandparents who are facing some of the same challenges.

Knowing one is not alone and having an understanding ear not only provides mutual aid to members, but many studies indicate that support groups can actually reduce stress and, thus, increase one's health by decreasing stress- related illnesses (high blood pressure, strokes, heart problems, ulcers etc.).

AARP has a great newsletter for grandparents that can be found at http://www.aarp.org/relationships/friends-family/

California Grandparent Support Groups & Contact List   http://www.grandsplace.org/gp4/ca.html

IV. Building Social Support

Convoy Model  also includes your Kin Network

                                                    partner

back to top

Those people who make up our convoy support us and are supported by us throughout life. At all levels of the convoy people come and go throughout our life--those in the outer circles more so than those closer in. As we age, more people leave our convoy and the loss is felt more acutely the closer to the center the loss occurs.

It becomes more difficult to replace people in our convoy as we age. We may no longer work or be as active in the community. This creates fewer candidates to chose from. Some can never be replaced (parents, children, siblings), and we often replace them with close friends who become as close as family. These people are referred to as fictive kin.

2. Guidelines for Building and Maintaining your Convoy
   
   Because our convoy often shrinks in size in old age, it is important to reach old age with an intact convoy. This creates more opportunities for support, interaction, and an opportunity to maintain our roles in later life. 

Experts offer the following advice to build and maintain your convoy. 

Reach Out -- remember building infers action on your part. You must make the first move. There is risk involved--you may be rebuffed, you may decide this relationship isn't what you anticipated and you will need to change the terms. But the risk must be taken if you are going to keep your convoy well populated.

Join In and Participate - groups are often the best place to form new relationships, but your chances of that are directly proportionate to your degree of participation. If you function only on the periphery of the group, you will probably remain a wallflower. Don't be afraid to join in.

Volunteer - opportunities are endless for sharing with others. Experts say that when you reach out and share yourself, others respond and relationships begin. Don't be afraid to give of yourself. You will probably receive more than you ever thought possible.

Pets - Pets can provide a sense of being needed and appreciated and provide a common interest among people opening up new opportunities to develop human relationships. Caring for pets also keeps our people-caring skills in practice.

Be Flexible - let go of preconceived ideas, expectations, and all your old rigid rules about people. Rigid rules and unrealistic expectations place barriers to relationships.

Be Accepting and Nonjudgmental - learn to accept and appreciate people for who they are, not who you want them to be. You don't have to like everything about a person to like the person. 

Be a Good Listener - most of us like to talk more than we like to listen, so if you can be a good listener, there will be no shortage of people who will be happy to talk to you. You learn a great deal about a person and about life when you truly listen--not just to the words, but to the feelings. Words carry very little of the true meaning. True meaning is carried in our tone, the volume of our voice, our body language, and facial expressions. These non-verbal cues all convey much more. This is all part of listening.

Be a Positive Person - positive people attract other people. Negativism pushes people away. People who love life and find it interesting never lack for others to share their joy. Concentrate on the good in each situation, maintain an active interest in life and your convoy will be well populated.

Summary

We all need other people and are needed by others. Keeping our convoy filled is our responsibility--we must actively work to keep it well functioning.

back to top

THE END

See you at the discussion link

Return to: Orientation: Class Home Page     American River College: Home Page   
              E-Mail:       Instructor                Gerontology Program    Home Page