* From Pathways: A success Guide For A Healthy
Life by D. W. Kemper, J. Giuffré and
G. Drabinski,
SEXUALITY AND AGING
Age may well offer the opportunity to
understand sex as
intimate communication
in its finest sense.
Norman M. Lobsenz
Sex is like a fine
wine; it can improve with age. Growing
older may limit some physical actions and activities, but it need not mean
losing one of life’s great experiences - sharing your sexuality with another.
More and more,
healthy older people are realizing that sex can be a fulfilling part of their
lives well into their 70's, 80's, and even 90's. There are physical changes which cause some
difficulties, but they need not rob the twinkle from your eye.
Age alone does not
decrease the pleasure that sex can bring.
Some medications (particularly some prescribed for high blood pressure,
tranquilizers and some anti-depressant), illness, depression, boredom and
excess drinking can all negatively affect sexual activity.
For men, it may
take longer to get an erection and the erection may be less firm, but sexual
intercourse can still bring joy to both partners. Women may experience irritation during
intercourse because of thinning vaginal walls and less vaginal lubrication. A simple solution is to purchase some
lubricating jelly (like K-Y jelly). On
the other hand, an increase in sexual difficulties may be the result of mental
conditioning rather than a physical limitation.
If a sexual problem of any origin persists or causes you concern, do ask
your doctor for advice.
Physical changes
affect some people much more than others, but hardly ever require an end to the
enjoyment of sex. Most sexual difficulty
is much less likely to crop up if lovemaking is regular. For both men and women, the best way to
preserve sexuality is to keep on enjoying.
Changes in
circumstance
Because older
people often experience losses which dramatically change their past patterns of
sexual expression, they may fall prey to the myth of being sexless. Women and men who have lost their spouses may
not know what to do with their sexual feelings.
Generally speaking, it is better to take some risks and express your
feelings than to suppress them until you no longer are aware that they
exist. In almost every case, there is
someone near who would enjoy responding.
Desire for sexual
expression is no less strong for the single person than for those who are
married. Self-stimulation (masturbation)
has become a well-accepted practice with no known medical side effects. It can be a good release of sexual tension as
well as pleasurable.
Intercourse is not
the only way for you to express your sexuality, and sexual enjoyment need not
be limited only to ejaculation or orgasm.
Touching, embracing and stroking all help to make a person feel secure,
loving and loved. The need for such
emotional support does not diminish with age.
For many older adults, just being around people of the opposite sex has
a stimulating effect. It provides an
extra dimension which adds to the excitement of life.
Page 4
Your
erogenous mind *: Sexuality need not be physical
Your body can
respond sexually to both physical contact with others and to fantasies of
contact. Some people might feel that sex
is only “real” when it involves the actual touching of a
partner. But imaginative images charged
with sexual significance have been a source of pleasure for countless persons
over the ages.
Your mind can be
considered a powerful erogenous zone.
Sex consists not only of actions we do with our bodies with a partner or
ourselves, it also consists of dreams, daydreams, and other types of fantasies
which may not lead to any visible action but can be inwardly experienced as
pleasurable.
Sex can have many
goals - or no apparent goal. You must
decide what you wish your sexual experience to be. Consider how your sensual experiences either
contribute to or detract from your sense of well-being.
Sex is only one
aspect of the communication that can occur between two people. All communication, including sexuality, is
about expressing yourself, feeling good about yourself, being willing to take
risks and giving a voice to the sage within you.
The basic message of human communication is
“Here I am; there you are, We’re not alone”
John K. Lageman
* From Pathways: A success Guide For A Healthy
Life by D. W. Kemper, J. Giuffré and
G. Drabinski,